e-mail me
news from oneida - news from oneida - news from oneida - news from oneida
"AT THE KAT AND MICK REPORT WE DON'T MAKE THE NEWS, WE JUST REPORT IT"
NOW PRINTER FRIENDLY
TO REPORT NEWS
Click here to place ad
YOUR
AD
HERE
FREE

SPECIAL CHRISTMAS EDITION

WINNER OF CHRISTMAS EVE DRAWING ANNOUNCED

    With her index finger and thumb the Kat picked the winning ticket out of a common plastic bowl in the Pickett family Florida Room Christmas Eve.  The event which was held at 8PM was the crescendo of the evenings festivities held at the offices of THE KAT AND MICK REPORT. The winning ticket holder was Brenda Josephi. When told of her winning the drawing by a call from KAT AND MICK staffers, Josephi could be heard screaming sounds of joy and jubilation.  Josephi who's family does not currently own a computer was ecstatic to learn of her good fortune. Food, gifts, and wine flowed freely to the 65 guests that attended the gala event with THE KAT AND MICK REPORT management and staff putting aside their differences for one evening and joined in for an evening of merriment. Although several of the smaller guests did get out of hand from time to time damage was kept to a minimum. Several of the regular members that usually attend were unable to make it this year which was thought to bring down attendance; however some people who never usually attend were on hand to make up the difference. Many unique gifts were given and received with joy. One of the people who were most happy about her windfall was Queen Jean Poquette Hansen who scored big with necessities of life (for her any way) three packages of adult Pampers were in her stocking and a big smile was on her face. The Kat received an entire cook ware set making it possible now for her to discard her rag tag set of mismatched pieces. Brandon received an XPFL official shirt with a monogram of "The Commissioner" on the front. Logan Sobieck was able to put aside his duties leading the posse on man hunts for one night and joined the festivities lamenting the fact that his friend Michael was not able to attend. Highlights of Turkey Bowl IV were shown at the party with the one hour presentation screened at 7 and 9 PM, the second screening to accommodate everyone who was unable to get into the room for the first one. As a bonus to people who stayed to the end highlights of the 2001 Turkey Bowl were also shown.

    An apology to everyone who looked last week for a new newsletter and did not find one. With the holidays coming and work still to be finished on the house I was unable to get out the news you so richly deserve. Kevin Sobieck assisted with his vast knowledge and together we completed the fireplace the night before Christmas Eve, which left me with cleanup of the area and a stained glass gift to finish before Christmas Eve. Completion of the frame for the glass was completed on Christmas Eve at 5:45 just minutes before guests arrived for the party. Hopefully this special Christmas edition of The Newsletter will make up for the lack of a publication on the 21st. That's all the news that is news, see ya.

   

THE KAT OVER SEES THE CHRISTMAS PARTY
"THE QUEEN" RECEIVES HER GIFT
THE COMMISH
THE CAUSE OF THE DELAY IN PUBLISHING THE NEWSLETTER
SANTA RUNS OUT OF TOYS - DELIVERS FISH INSTEAD
December 28, 2003
    Many children in the Oneida area woke up on Christmas morning to the stench of rotting fish which occupied their stockings all hung in a row. With the growing of children asking for more and more toys the inevitable had to happen sooner or later. With Oneida being one of his last stops before he retires for the year Claus ran out of Game Boys, X Boxes, and I Pod players only to replace them with Walleye, Northern Pike and Alewife. When THE KAT AND MICK REPORT contacted the North Pole about the incident Mrs. Claus refused comment referring us to the head elf instead, Harry Goldman. Goldman confided that Claus has been showing signs of dementia lately, and this is just another example of his losing touch with reality. Apparently when Claus runs out of presents he lands his sled on a frozen lake and with an ice auger tucked away under the sleigh he bores a hole in the ice and spears himself a sleigh load of fish. Claus has often been heard saying that he himself is a Native American and is deserving of the same rights his ancestors had when it comes to fishing and hunting. Goldman also added that the worker elves who have to clean up the sleigh when he returns are also complaining of the strange substitution stating that Santa cleaning fish in the sleigh is leaving an impossible amount of frozen fish guts clinging to the interior of the running board. Other stories from worker elves were told about the jolly old elf having had a stand by reindeer, Scratcher, which was ill with mad reindeer disease and eventually had to be put out of its misery. Many of the elves say that Claus actually butchered the animal and had Mrs. Claus cook it up for Christmas dinner!  The elves say the infected animal passed on the disease to the old gentleman and now the incubation period is over with Claus showing the signs of mad reindeer disease.  Claus who was unavailable for comment and had not yet returned at the time of the writing of this story but has not been declared a missing person by North Pole Police as of yet. However the NPP did say they would look into the strange circumstances surrounding the case.
  
    The Sports page has been updated for December as has the Birthday page. Of course the XPFL page is updated since TB IV and will have some new photos added to it soon again.  Soon a new feature will be added with regional news from Wisconsin on its own page. That's all the news that is news, see ya.

SANTA CLAUS SEEN HERE DELIVERING FISH INSTEAD OF TOYS FOR CHILDREN
HEAD ELF HARRY GOLDMAN
WORKER ELVES COMPLAIN OF CLEANING UP SANTA'S SLEIGH