I have a problem (stalker) I am a well known senator in Wisconsin and there is this women who calls me (usually on Thursday mornings) with well water or manure problems.
I can barely understand her with all the kids screaming in the background, I think she has got the hot's for me, and frankly I'm scared...
please advise me as soon as possible (because tomorrow is Thursday !)
Sincerely
Senator Las... (oops I want to remain anonymous)
The Kat Says:
Dear Senator, If your sure this person with the loud children is a real stalker then the thing to do is have a restraining order put on her and have her arrested if she violates it. Once this Thursday stalker is convicted you can lobby for her execution under your new reinstatement of capitol punishment law. If she refuses to violate the restraining order you will have to be happy with dumping manure down her well. Meoooow
BRITTANY'S NEW BOYFRIEND - HIDDEN FROM KAMR
Question:
I have a question on how you keep your house so organized. I was wondering if you could give me some pointers?
Signed; Messy Bessie
The Kat says:
Dear Mess, This is something I just don't think I can teach anyone, you have to be a natural at it as I am. Some tips I can give you though are: Number 1 - Shop for a lot of junk furniture at collectable shops and antique stores. Get stuff that looks old and worn out, that way the rest of your house will look new. Also get as much of this junk furniture as you can pack into your house, the more the better, so that when you haul a piece out to your garage people will be amazed how nice the floor looks in the tiny open spot. Number 2 - keep a lot of books and magazines on hand to scatter around the house so people will not notice the dust, spilled soda and food underneath. Number 3 - Order a lot of exercise equipment and keep it all around the house. This equipment tends to have a lot of shiny parts on it and will add a sparkle to your house, this is important, do not use the equipment. Continued use will dull the shiny parts and it will loose it's sparkle appeal. Meooow
Check back next week for more questions from our readers and good advice from the Kat.
February 26, 2006
I
t will be almost three months that Brittany Sobieck has been seeing her new boyfriend Ryan Kautzer from Brown Deer Wisconsin, a student at UW Milwaukee and a business major. Sobieck admitted to the relationship after probing from KAMR reporters on the way to a Chicken Night rendezvous at the old gathering spot Cliff and Ceils. Sobieck was questioned several times and refused to answer, but the beans were eventually spilled by Trixie who gave the date they met (and probably the time if I had asked) December 7th. I'm sure that the two will have no trouble remembering their meeting date as it coincides with the day Pearl Harbor was bombed. Sobieck insists that since word has now leaked out the relationship is doomed, however this reporter is not convinced of that considering differences from others that have met their inevitable fate of being cast out to the pile. Kautzer is different from the others in many ways, first he is not older then Sobieck in fact he is the same age 20. In the past Sobieck relished in finding older men, usually 10 to 15 years older, only to cut them loose just when they got their fire stoked up and a full head of steam. Sobieck describes Kautzer as shy, a virgin, and not your usual party animal, he's never been to a strip bar or other such naughty places. If he makes the final cut I suspect he will need to receive intense training from Trixie and Jean Poquette Hansen on these matters.
LASEE REJECTS TREML AS ADVISOR
Just when it seemed that Judy Treml had been accepted as a credible source of information for elected officials in the Town of Morrison she was struck a serious blow by Senator Allen Lasee. Lasee who had asked Treml to assist him on matters concerning the DNR and well owners affected by the latest contamination outbreak learned on Thursday that she has been shut out of the process by Lasee over a misunderstanding. It seems that Lasee had been inundated by angry constituents complaining about what they considered an unhealthy alliance between the DNR and Lasee, something Treml says she told Lasee's office about. Treml told Lasee's office that his meeting with the DNR would accomplish nothing and only anger the well owners even further, and threatened to call the well owners and tell them so. Treml never did call the owners however they called Lasee on their own. Lasee thinks Treml called the owners and fired them up. Treml who was to be questioned further at Chicken Night was unavailable due to a television appearance that evening.
RICHEY POQUETTE CELEBRATE ONE YEAR
It has been one year since Chris Richey and Aimee Poquette started seeing one another. Poquette and Richey met through an Internet dating service which seems to have worked for them. Others have not found themselves so lucky and are "still on the shelf" as described by another family member who will go
UNNAMED
LEFT TO RIGHT ARE: JOANNE LADE, CHRIS RICHEY, TIM LADE, AIMEE POQUETTE
POQUETTE AND RICHEY ARE TOGETHER ONE YEAR
unnamed. Richey and
Poquette who are coexisting in
the same residence in Indiana
have not announced plans for
any legal union, be it religious or
pagan ritual of any kind, however
Joanne Lade mother of Aimee
seems to think it will come soon, possibly in conjunction with the one year celebration. The Newsletter will keep you abreast of the situation.
AMBER-BUD SHARE SAME HOME BUT NOT BED
Due to complications from surgery Tim Lade checked his dad Bud Lade into San Louis Manor this week only to find out that Amber McCarol is in the same home. The two visit frequently and have become friends. Tim Lade has forbid the two to share the same room however. Tim has also given his dad strict orders that he is not to be found in anyone else's bed but his own. There's a new Idiotocity if you please, click here to see it. That's all the news that is news, see ya.
Question:
I have a "Friend" who has been dating a man for 6 years. Is it time to take the "plunge" or are they moving too fast? After all it HAS been only 6 years!
Signed;
A concerned friend
The Kat Says:
Dear Concerned; Affairs of the heart are very delicate matters that must be handled with great care, It is good you came to me (and expert) with this and not one of those other publications where some man actually writes the answers for Abby, Ann, or whoever.
Since your friend has been dating this man for only 6 years and is already thinking about marriage I think she should think this over a little harder. I am for leaving a sleeping lye, I am assuming your friend is no spring chicken considering all the time that has passed during the dating period. The marriage of older people complicates matters. Suppose her
spousal unit wants kids? An older couple such as your friends most certainly would produce mongoloid children. No I suggest they stay single and refrain from intercourse.
Question:
Do cats hate birds? Or... Do they love birds? I am thinking you might know, being a Kat and all.
Signed;
The guy from Idiotocity.
The Kat Says:
Dear Idiot; An excellent question I must say, this is a good opportunity for me to dispel popular beliefs about my kind which are mostly urban legend. Many people say we (Kats) are independent, have multiple lives, and finicky about what eat. These beliefs couldn't be further from the truth. First I'm not at all independent, I depend on my husband Michael for everything from hauling home my weekly furniture purchases to vacuuming my fir off of the carpets. Secondly the notion that I have nine lives just because I survived three major operations, smashed up several busses and survived without a scratch is poppycock. About being fussy about my diet, well, I have to say I eat almost anything, but I particularly like birds, chicken, turkey, even the occasional duck, which I guess answers your question....about loving birds that is.
SCOTT TREML SLICES OFF THUMB
March 5, 2006
I
n a horrible accident which occurred last week Scott Treml has severed his thumb while working at his home workshop. Judy Treml, Scott's
spousal unit reported on the accident at the weekly meeting of "The Fat Club" held at the Sobieck household. She stated that she spent nearly the whole day at the hospital on Saturday February 25th because of the accident. Treml who has never had any other
parts of his body severed before seemed to take the injury in stride not crying at all. The accident happened while Treml was grinding a steel plate and the wheel on the grinder shattered pulling the plate and his thumb into the grinder. It happened about 12 noon and it took about 45 min. before a doctor saw him. They brought the piece of thumb with them and Treml's Uncle Mark drove him to the hospital. The original ER doctor told him that he would loose his thumb. Treml demanded to see a specialist who was able to reattach the thumb. The thumb will be a little shorter then before and it will take about 2 months of grafting before it can be called a success but the doctor says he can save it. Scott returned to work on Monday and will have to return to the doctor's shop weekly to monitor the healing process.
SHEAR DIMENTIA ROBBED
The trendy upscale hair salon known as Shear Dementia owned by Darla Krueger was broken into by burglars on Thursday February 23rd. The shop located at 1011 West Mason Street, Green Bay had it's front glass door broken by the thieves which made off with a small amount of cash.
Scott Treml
While the door was being repaired Darla was informed that the glass in the door was of the wrong type and deemed unsafe for a door used for the public. The glass in the door was not safety glass but rather just simple plate glass used in many common household
windows and other consumer uses not common to the general public. Krueger immediately became worried that one of the robbers may have carelessly got too near the glass and may have cut themselves. Krueger asks that if any of the robbers read this and has cut themselves on shards of glass in the door they should return to Shear Dementia for Band Aids provided by Krueger free of charge. Krueger says "It's bad enough they had to work so hard to get so little cash but to have hurt themselves on top of it would be something I could never forgive myself for."
JUSTIN SOBIECK LOOSES TRAILER ON US 41
Justin and his friend Seth found their snowmobile trailer in a junk pile destined for the crusher, and perhaps that's where they should have left it. While returning from snowmobiling in the north Sobieck pulling the trailer had the trailer detach on US 41 southbound. Luckily no one was behind and the thousands they have stuck in snowmobiles survived without a scratch. They hooked the trailer back up and made their way back home with only their pride hurt.
RON SOBIECK HURT IN SKIING ACCIDENT
Ron Sobieck sustained a broken finger and pulled tendon in his arm after taking a fall while skiing in Minnesota. Sobieck the son of Joe and Lola Sobieck is known for his skiing proficiency and according to family members never falls. Sobieck was not hospitalized and is home resting comfortably.
