With a fever of 104 degrees F. Lance Pickett made a visit to the emergency room and was admitted to St Vincent Hospital Friday night with pneumonia. His condition is improving slowly and should be discharged sometime Monday or Tuesday. Shortly after the New Year Lance complained of feeling poorly and run down. While visiting for a short time he seemed lethargic and spoke very little. Since his hospitalization his fever has come down and his spirits have picked up. He has asked for DVD's and his portable player to pass the time in the hospital. Currently he is on the 10th Floor in St. Vincent Hospital.
At a recent unprecedented evening meeting of the Fat Club right here at The Kat and Mick Report offices a discussion arose about the size of some of the member's legs. The Kat disclosed without shame that one of her legs is bigger then the other remaining leg. Claiming to have had the "club leg" for a number of years The Kat then opened the floor for other members or guests to share their "club leg" stories and experiences. A mild clamor arose with some members claiming to have been stricken with the same phenomenon. However upon inspection and comparison The Kat still had the most pronounced "club leg" until Chrissie Meeuwsen announced that she indeed had the same physiological debility. After the announcement Meeuwsen proudly exhibited the leg to a stunned crowd. A period of silence gave way to a murmur by the gathering after Meeuwsen announced that there would be no photos or she would put the leg away. A discussion ensued after the disclosure and everyone agreed that Meeuwsen who was a guest at the meeting and not a member had the largest "club leg" ever displayed at a Fat Club gathering. Many of the other members once again looked at their own legs poking and prodding hoping to somehow pump up their own inadequate "club leg" but no matter what they did they were unable to even hold a candle to the size of the Meeuwsen appendage. Meeuwsen who displayed the limb long enough for every member and guest to pass by in an organized line allowed people to squeeze and poke at it with forks to confirm that it was not a prosthetic but her real leg. As an observer it was the first time in my memory that there were many members who were with out words and were in awe of the leg. After everyone had seen as much as the wanted Meeuwsen put the leg away under her elephant pants that did have matching legs leaving the "club leg" undetectable.
If you have not noticed the Index page has a new look. There is a new Unsportsmanlike Comment on the plate with a look at "behind the scenes" at The Kat and Mick Report. Several readers have written in over the past weeks that their favorite birthday had not appeared on the Birthday Page. If this has happened to you then I offer my apologies, the reason is the loss of some files while we were converting some equipment over in the office last year. The best way to ensure that your Birthday gets on is to send an e-mail with the date and occupation to the KAMR offices. Click here to send a Birthday e-mail. That's all the news that is news, see ya.
CHRISSIE MEEUWSEN WITH A STUNNING ANNOUNCMENT THAT ROCKED THE FAT CLUB
TWO UNIDENTIFIED FAT CLUB MEMBERS DEMONSTRATE THE SIZE OF THE PANTS WORN BY MEEUWSEN TO CONCEAL HER SECRET
GREEN BAY PHILADELPHIA THREATEN EACH OTHER WITH ANNIHILATION
January 11, 2004
What started as a newspaper opinion column in the Philadelphia Inquirer has blossomed into a full fledged national incident with catastrophic consequences. Less then a week ago a columnist for a local Philadelphia paper jabbed Green Bay Packer Fans with an article painting them as beer swilling, egotistical, ignorant small town snobs and at the same time pointed out that Green Bay is the smallest town to have a professional NFL team. Perhaps the part about the town not deserving the team is what raised the fans ire. Things escalated then with the Philadelphia Mayor calling the Green Bay Mayor a girlie man, the Green Bay Mayor returning the insult with a burning bag of fresh cow pies on his porch. Philadelphia taking it one step further then threatened to cut off deliveries of its famous cream cheese to Titletown, Green Bay threatened an invasion by the Green Bay Army. Mediators have been called in by the Federal Government to try to settle the disagreement in the eleventh hour with Philadelphia threatening to launch its missiles on Green Bay. Although never confirmed it is presumed that Philadelphia does have nuclear war heads on their interstate missiles. Mayor Jim Schmitt has made a statement advising "Should Philadelphia launch we are prepared to have your city government evacuated to the underground nuclear blast bunker located 1 mile beneath the frozen tundra with in minutes." He further added "It should be comforting for Green Bay citizens to know that your City Government will survive the worst type of attack to rule again even if the entire city and its residents are vaporized." Philadelphia also fearing the worst from Green Bay is preparing by stocking up on Exlax fearing a major attack in the form of cheese. Philadelphia Mayor Street "If the evil Green Bay Military does decide to launch an invasion by cheese we will be ready with an ample supply of laxatives" however he added "The embargo imposed on toilet paper by the Green Bay Government may make things a bit sticky around here should we have to result to the Exlax." President George Bush along with Governors Doyle and Rendell were in negotiations with the cities during the writing of this article and were unavailable for comment, but it is believed that certain concessions will have to be made by the Federal Government to diffuse the situation. One of the demands in question is moving the City of Green Bay further away from the City of Brotherly Love. Because the Packers are unable to move out of the city Mayor Schmitt has said that he would want his city to trade places with Seattle. Schmitt says "Moving the City of Green Bay along with the Packers to the community known as Seattle is a win win situation, we get further away from the evil Philadelphia and the Seahawks can have the old Lambeau Field and Seattle will be located by the new Puget Bay. Schmitt says Green Bay would then change its name and be known as Green Sound, however the Holmgren Way street sign would be left behind as part of the agreement. Bush who long suspected both cities were hiding weapons of mass destruction is said to be considering the exchange of cities. That's all the news that is news, see ya.
GOVERNOR DOYLE SAID TO BE WORKING WITH THE PRESIDENT TO RESTORE PEACE
GLENN CAMPBELL SAID TO BE ANGRY ABOUT TOILET PAPER EMBARGO
GREEN BAY MAYOR JIM SCHMITT SAID TO BE PLANNING A CHEESE INVASION
PHILADELPHIA MAYOR STREET SAID TO BE GATHERING SURPLUS EXLAX