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June 18, 2006
        he Oneida harlot, Brittany Sobieck known to lure boys into her love trap and then cut them loose on a whim has again snared an unsuspecting subject. Sobieck the recent subject of a KAT AND MICK REPORT poll will apparently be the topic of many more upcoming articles as voters rejected the notion that such reporting was inappropriate and an invasion of privacy.
Readers bolted at the idea that future articles may be in jeopardy due to potential allegations of misconduct by this publication in the area of privacy. Subscriber feedback was enormous with polling results and e-mail indicating that Sobieck had grown into a public figure now, a Princess Diana of Oneida of sorts and further more was not allowed the luxury of a any private life. From now on Sobieck would be hounded by the paparazzi getting
every scrap of information about her male friends and intimacies along with revealing photographs of her with unsuspecting future occupants of "the pile".
Reclusive XPFL official Sam Poquette is about to become a grandfather, it was learned this week.  Poquette the head mechanic at Progressive
Oneida Harlot Brittany Sobieck displays her "little girl look" for potential boy friends
Farmers Coop in De Pere will become a grandfather with the birth of his first grandchild provided by daughter Jackie. The baby is due in October and so far no problems have been detected with
mother or child. Jackie is the daughter of Linda Schroeder and Sam Poquette and grew up in Pulaski.

The Kevin and Trixie Sobieck home on Florist Drive in Hobart will now feature a swimming pool courtesy of a friend of the Sobieck's. The pool has been liberated from friends of the Sobieck's as a donation but is badly in need of a new liner. Checking the prices of new liners has proven to be too costly for the family so Trixie has drawn on her past experience with pools and is asking family and friends for help. According to her calculations she will need 2,755 bread bags, and 8,265 roofing nails to complete the lining of the pool just as it did some 30 years ago when family members began work on their first pool. The site of that pool was only 100 feet east of the Sobieck location and was never completed but it wasn't because of a lack of roofing nails to hold the bags down. The project failed because the children were unable to collect enough bags to span the distance needed to complete the bowl shape and the hole was eventually filled in by snickering parents and siblings. Once again this make shift technology will be put to use and the Sobieck pool will be lined with bread bags but they need your help.Kevin has enough roofing nails but please save all your bread bags and send them to Kevin Sobieck     737 Florist Drive     De Pere, WI 54115

Peg and Dan VanLanen will once again host the 4th. of July party at their home on County U in the Town of Oneida. As usual there will be volley ball 
Jackie and Sam Poquette
and summer games as well as fireworks after it gets dark. All sorts of fun will be abundant by the bon fire in the evening. Food arrangements should be coordinated with Peg who can be reached at 869-2603. That's all the news that is news, see ya.
With summer upon us it is time for outdoor music, Justin Sobieck's best girl  Janel Englebert gets up for more beer at this summer concert.

Dear Kat I've noticed lately that my garbage is getting knocked over a spread on my lawn. I think it's my neighbors dog but I don't know for sure. Should I go over and talk to him or just shoot the dog?

Signed Dirty Harry


Dear Dirt, you probably shouldn't jump to conclusions and assume that it it the neighbors dog if you hadn't seen him do it. At our house we've had problems with all sorts of animals knocking over garbage, raccoons, merecats, and wallaby's. I have ordered my husband to build a small ventilated structure to house the garbage but he is too lazy to do it and still is not done. Therefore I suggest you do as I do and store full garbage bags in the bus. Of course I have the luxury of having a school bus in my yard because I'm a driver but you too should be able to take advantage of this even if your' e not a driver. Simply send a bag of garbage with your children every day when they get on the bus, they can pile it up in the back seat and on garbage day open the back door and push it out on the curb. Thanks for the question, see you next week.
June 25, 2006
            ith attendance higher then expected at the reception, Aaron proudly accepted kisses bestowed on him by his new bride at the dinner table in front of a crowd of 100 people. Quickly a second sitting was organized for attendees who showed up exceeding the predicted 90 people that Doats and Dick had planned for. This reporter along with the Kat were seated in the second sitting and were added on to the wait staff's overwhelming duties, however one caring waitress who we shall call Strap Girl (because of multiple straps lining the back of her shoulders and neck) adopted us in a special way and kept bringing us what ever we needed. At one point Strap Girl fulfilled our request for more chicken by wrestling platters of chicken from old ladies trying to fill their purses. Dinner was capped off with the serving of the wedding cake which was made by the groom, the fruits of a cake decorating class he had taken some time ago.

The ceremony I'm told went well with Joanne Lade again doing a memorable job singing some of her well polished vocals for the special moments of the rite. After the dinner the evening progressed with recorded song and merriment. A slight distraction occurred during the event when a group of young Latino men congregated across the street from the VFW and some of the young girls and one middle aged one found it necessary to flash them. Later it was heard that another middle aged women, a sister of the other one I'm told, wanted to join in but found her upper torso clothing too restrictive to flop anything out into the open air.

The party went almost to midnight with the last song played at 2335 hours, only Doats and Dick and a few highly intoxicated members of the wedding party remained.

According to a phone interview with Brittany Sobieck on Saturday afternoon her new boyfriend is not Jewish in spite of popular opinion. In what some are calling a ploy to remain out of the highly visible Israeli - Palestinian controversy William Daniel "Lessie" Rosenburg insists he is a gentile and not a Jew. Sobieck who herself admits Rosenburg looks like a Jew says she has questioned him extensively and he is still sticking to the not a Jew story. I know this is possible, because of my large nose and dark complexion I have been mistaken for a Jew many times.  Rosenburg, 21 has been dating Sobieck since the beginning of June and is yet unaware of the growing pile in the back yard where a temporary spot has been chiseled out for him. Although Sobieck has been aware of the gentile college student since the beginning of April, the first formal date did not occur until June according to her. The couple met through a friend of Sobieck's who dated a friend of Rosenburg.

I am not concerned if Rosenburg, a computer major reads this publication, however I am not looking forward to the day when Sobieck dates an English major.

Chrissie Meeusen who is nearing the beginning of her second year of her college education announced Thursday she is planning to be an International Accountant.
Meeusen plans to  make herself available to international corporations, private clients engaged in espionage, as well as cruel foreign dictators who are in need of good creative accounting methods to hide funds from investors, counter
spies, or resistance fighters bent on overthrow. Meeusen feels this is a niche' of the accounting industry never before exploited by any one firm based in Suamico.

Meeusen who has suffered the stigma of a club leg most of her short life feels that her new endeavor will be unencumbered by her leg malformation. As mentioned last week Peg and Dan VanLanen are planning a July 4 party with all invited, check with Peg on what to bring. That's all the news that is news, see ya.
Chrissie Meeusen
Dear Kat, I heard the other day that eating hot dogs causes polyps, is that true? I love hot dogs but hate polyps so I would like to know.

The answer to your question is with out a doubt they do cause polyps. As a matter of fact medical science has determined that a polyp is formed for every 8 to 10 hot dogs you eat. Other sausages contribute too with numbers ranging between 15 to 25 sausages per polyp, but hot dogs are the worst offender. It is also a fact that the negative polyp effects of other sausages can be negated by the eating of fruit or other high fibre foods shortly after consumption, but tests performed by a test group and control group of wiener eaters confirms that no amount of fibre can counter act the negative effects of polyp production in the human colon caused by wiener consumption. Inspections of colons in 8 out of 10 wiener eaters also revealed that consumers of the so called "foot long" hotdog's developed foot long polyps as well. People living on a steady diet of foot long hot dogs were found to have polyps actually growing out of the body uncontrollably extending out of the rectum like tentacles.  My husband was pretty close to this condition as he ate hot dogs three or four times a week. My advice to you is to stop eating hot dogs right now before the only thing left for you is a tapered reamer.
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