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"AT THE KAT AND MICK REPORT WE DON'T MAKE THE NEWS, WE JUST REPORT IT"
March 3, 2002 KAT AND MICK REPORT PREDICTS EARLY SPRING
Oneida WI - There is no doubt in the minds of the staff around the KAT AND MICK REPORT that spring will come early this year, so start ordering your seed get your bulbs ready or what ever it is that you do to get ready for spring. The warmer weather and sunshine and best of all, no snow is only a month away. Sadly on the weather scene we here in the Oneida suburbs have received about 4 or 5 inches of new snow at the time I am writing this and we are expected to receive six to ten inches before it is all over. Down town Oneida is expected to fare even worse due to their close proximity to Duck Creek. High winds of 15 to 30 MPH during the night are expected to cause near white out conditions.
This week saw the arrival of new comers to the Chicken Night phenomenon with Erv Toebe his "life partner" Debbie and her son Nickie. Nick decided to have the country style chicken and was overwhelmed by what he saw when they brought it out. He was unable to finish what they brought out for him but gave it a good try. Most of the CN crowd had fish anyway due to lent I suspect. None of the axis of evil showed up, which is just as well because if only one or two did they would have no power unless all three were there anyway. Only when all three are present does the evil triangle give up it's power freely.
NEW CHICKEN NIGHT CURRENCY
New to Chicken Night will be the Chicken Night Ten Spot complete with an image of the queen on the front of the bill.
The bill will be available at the next Chicken Night and will be legal tender for all Chicken Night debts. It is not known how the Naomi and Wynona will react to the new bill or if they will even acknowledge it.
Alex has only one week of basic training left and that is just in a glide pattern he says with minimum duties being performed. If you wish to write to him you should wait for his new address now as his mail at this address will end by the end of the week.
Crystal Oscillator having a baby and shower not in that order
Crystal Bluebananas is impregnated and is having a baby shower on the 9th. of March at 1800 hours and everyone is invited. The shower given by her mom Cheryl Purshock will be held at the Purshock home 630 Russel Blvd. Fort Walton Beach Florida. If you plan to attend please RSVP at 850-862-0062
Finally the ad that is run in the classified about the mattress and box spring and the free delivery are only within a 25 mile radius. A request from a reader in Clarksville that the set be delivered at my expense to his home in Tennessee will not be granted. I think we all know who the moronic stooge is that requested that. That's all the news that is news, see ya.
Kat & Mick file photo
March 10, 2002 BABY SHOWER FOR SHELLY SOBIECK GOES OFF AS EXPECTED, EVEN WITH TIGHT SECURITY
Oneida WI - On Saturday March 9 a baby shower was held for Shelly Sobieck, the former Shelly VanLanen, at the home of Kevin and Trixie Sobieck on Florist Drive in the Town of Hobart. Her marriage to Joel Sobieck has indeed resulted in impregnation, and with the baby due in April Sobieck is looking quite the expectant mother these days.
The party produced the usual prizes, games, and trash talk but also lunch was served for all who attended. Regrettably, with all the members of "The Fat Club" attending plus a few of Sobieck's friends, no ground bologna was left for any of the patrons to take home. Thus no GB was consumed for lunch by your humble reporter.
SOBIECK BEFORE IMPREGNATION
But as I mentioned with "The Fat Club" members all in attendance the desert of cake was hardly touched due to FC members scoffing at one another if they touch the desert tray. This being the case I dined on fluffy white delicious cake for my evening meal until I was stuffed.
Thinking that a gathering of white Anglo Saxon upper middle class women would attract terrorist activity, security was beefed up by allowing the Sobieck guard dog "Bear" to roam the grounds attacking suspects at will. This strategy apparently worked as no attempts were made to infiltrate the party.
Winter refuses to give up it's grip on Northeast Wisconsin with windy nasty weather this week. Following two days of rain and freezing drizzle, the wind shifted from the south to the west on Saturday and started to blow. Winds ranged between 20 to 30 MPH with gusts that were much higher at times, it has now been 19 hours since the wind started to blow and it will not relent. Reports say this afternoon late the winds will die down to a reasonable level. Even with this unseasonable weather THE KAT AND MICK REPORT reports that there will still be an early spring, look for it to be warm and sunny for the last week of March.
The Rock-Fest schedule is pretty much complete with all the evening acts announced this past week. Only three regional bands are to be announced yet and those bands start at the 1PM hour of the day, hardly enough time to get out of bed to see those bands. The band Blondie with Debbie Harry was the last one to be added this past week, and I can hardly wait to see the the burned out druggie, recovering alcoholic sing "Heart of Glass", her big hit from the 70's that I enjoy so much. Speaking of alcohol, the beer brands were changed this year with Budweiser being removed and Miller and Leinenkugel being put in to carry the torch for the beer drinking crowd. Of course wine coolers, hard lemonade, soda, and bottled water will be on hand for those who dislike the malt flavored beverage. Many are dismayed at the removal of Bud, but I must say I am happy to see Leinenkugels on the list and looking forward to consuming red beer at the fest. A complete list of bands and when they are scheduled appear on the party page but make sure you wait for the entire page to load as the schedule would be the last thing to appear.
Alex reports that he has graduated boot camp and will now progress to the training phase of his Air Force experience. Regrettably were not able to attend due to lack of funding and a new job that I couldn't leave during the probation period. For this I apologize to Alex but it could not be helped, both of us would have really liked to be there. We have purchased the tape though and maybe I can get some screen shots on the newsletter at a later date. There may be a problem with his attending the wedding of Bunky and Peggy in June due to his tech training. It seems that he is scheduled to start on Apr. 13 which would have him finishing training after the wedding, trainees are not allowed to leave during training. There is however a chance he would get moved to the March 15 group which would allow him to be done in time for the wedding. We are hoping that he does get in the March group. That's all the news that is news, see ya.
March 17, 2002
XPFL CHEERLEADER IMPREGNATED
Oneida WI - Veteran XPFL cheerleader Stephanie Prevost has become impregnated putting her appearance in Turkey Bowl II in jeopardy. Prevost and her husband Rick have been trying to conceive a child for some time now without success. Since the purchase of the Prevost Mansion in the spring of 2000 Prevost has been planning a family, decorating rooms for the babies and collecting baby clothes.
It has been said by service people visiting the mansion that Prevost has been seen with a collection of dolls dressed as babies. At times Prevost would have the diapers on the plastic babies wet and she would practice changing the wet package. She would laugh and sing to the fake babies and attempt to feed them with a bottle, she was also seen trying to burp the lifeless manikin and when a Prevost induced belch was heard she would stop. Just as the workmen began to feel sorry for the obviously misguided mother, along would come Prevost's husband Rick and all the service people would be sent away so as not to see the sad state of affairs that mother of plastic children was in.
Kat and Mick file photo
PREVOST MAY MISS TB II
DUE TO IMPREGNATION
Prevost's impregnation was announced at Chicken Night and was phoned in by KAT AND MICK reporter Jo Ann Lade, who graciously offered her own phone to allow to Prevost to talk one on one with Editor Kat. Prevost vows that she will be able to participate in Turkey bowl II as she feels her due date will be early November. We feel that even if she has had the baby already before the big day she will still be doing the duck walk at game time. It should also be noted that today is Prevost's birthday, Happy Birthday Stephanie!
Today at 11 AM a benefit for a sister of one of the Bus drivers at Lamer's West DePere will be held at The Swan Club. Many nice prizes will be given away and Lunch will be served. Marie Krohn is running the whole affair and it is sure to be a good time. So if you have nothing going on on Sunday Afternoon come on down to the Swan Club in DePere.
Dick and Cleen have purchased a 2001 Chev Pickup with a club cab thus completing the camping package for the 2002 Rockfest experience. Once the fifth wheel is put on the truck it will be ready to accept the new camper that they have purchased earlier in the year.
Amy Siehr reports that Joe's operation on his bionic neck has developed complications with the bone. It seems that the piece of bone they implanted in his neck is cracked, which will lengthen his recovery. It was apparently cracked before they put it in and did not know it. It is not known what Siehrs condition will be for Turkey Bowl II.
Siehrs outstanding performance in Turkey Bowl 01 as umpire of the officiating team would be sadly missed in Turkey Bowl II should he not recover in time. The officiating team is looking forward to putting his "new 360 degree rotating neck" in use for the game this year. Even if the crack limits his turning radius to only 230 degrees that
would still be a huge improvement over the 20 degrees from center that the other two officials can do. That's all the news that is news, see ya.
JOE SIEHR LOOKING FORWARD TO HAVING A 360 DEGREE NECK
March 24, 2002
JOYCE BYRNE STEPS DOWN AS HEAD CHEERLEADER
Oneida WI - With the cheerleading season fast approaching and the weather about to turn the corner into spring, Joyce Byrne announces her resignation from the XPFL as head cheerleader.
JOYCE BYRNE RESIGNS AS HEAD CHEERLEADER
No reason was given for her resignation and the customary news conference for such announcements was replaced by an Email statement from her office which was brief and announced her retirement and nothing else. Without the opportunity to ask questions
in a news conference and the lack of explanation in her statement, one can only assume that she has something to hide. After all one does not leave a high ranking, high paying job with all this prestige for no reason. THE KAT AND MICK REPORT can only assume that with all the demands she put on the ranks, kegels and no drinking, that she herself may have been singled out by fellow cheerleaders for some similar indiscretion. Unable to look at her accusers she simply took the easier solution to quit rather then confront the problem head on. With the retiring of Byrne, the Kat will once again lead the Cheerleaders into the battle of TB II, Kat says break out the wine and cigarettes, its practice time!
CHICKEN NIGHT NEWS
Jean Poquette Hansen once again aggravated Wynona by asking her to hand her purse over to her when she was displaced by another patron at the bar. She was sitting at the end of the bar with her purse on the bar in front of her, she got up from her stool briefly to chat with other members of the Chicken Night clique a few stools down, when she was about to return she noticed someone had taken her stool and that she put her purse next to hers. J. P. Hansen quickly devised a plan to upset the patron and irritate Wynona the bartender by asking her to retrieve the two purses on the end of the bar. She explained that they were hers and her sisters, however one actually was the other patron's who moved into J.P. Hansen's seat. Wynona did as she was told, first getting the Queens and next the unknown's to Hansen's delight. Seeing the explosive reaction of laughter on J.P. Hansen's face, and a look of concern from the unknown patron, Wynona immediately knew she had been taken. She put the purse back and began to scold Hansen which made the Queen laugh even harder. Jean Poquette Hansen then moved on to the dinning room where she engaged in a rendition of the banjo mouth music from deliverance successfully incorporating a buss boy into a duet.
Cheryl Purshock reports that no one RSVP' d or attended the baby shower for Crystal held two weeks ago. Although she had many guests from the Southern regions of the United States, no one attended from the Great White North. The Kat is collecting checks to send to Crystal to add to her gifts for the shower. The Kat is getting together a card to sign along with your contribution in the form of a check. Please make your checks payable to Crystal Bubannas, and stop by to sign the card, if you are unable to stop in and simply want to mail in your contribution, we will put your name on for you. Cheryl also reports that a bar in St. Louis held a karaoke night, where contestants could sing karaoke to Barry Manilow songs and whomever did the best and won would receive tickets to the concert and backstage passes to meet the performer himself. The bar in The Hard Rock Cafe located in Union Station downtown Saint Louis hosted the event and put up the tickets. Cheryl did not participate and if you ever heard her sing you would know that this is a good thing.
A contest at "the Fat Club" is underway to guess the date,and time of delivery, and sex and the weight of Shelly and Joel's baby. The date will be the only determining factor in who wins, duplicate guesses will share the winnings. Cost to enter is one dollar and if you want to get in call Trixie Sobieck at 869-1364 or E-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org good luck!
That's all the news that is news, see ya.
March 31, 2002
XPFL CHEERLEADERS IN QUANDARY OVER LOSS OF HEAD CHEERLEADER BYRNE
Oneida WI - As the news broke last week in THE KAT AND MICK REPORT that cheerleader head Joyce Byrne would resign, no one yet new the full impact of the unexplained departure. Red Gobbler, and Blue Jell-O Cheerleaders have been thrown into the darkness one more time. All that can be heard now is the wailing and gnashing of teeth in the abyss of the once proud cheerleader practice field as they lament the loss of their leader.
Cheerleaders now without a leader train on their own, doing kegels at random, alone and not in unison. Wine consumption and smoking, once the backbone of cheerleader training meets now seem to be down to a minimum and are random acts instead of the once rigorous XPFL conditioning program. It is clear to this writer that a new leader is needed, and fast to take over the cheerleader ranks and whip them back into shape. What will happen? Will the Kat be up for the challenge? Should there be a new Leader? And what of Jean Poquette Hansen, could
A PUZZLED JEAN POQUETTE HANSEN WONDERS WHERE WE GO FROM HERE
she perform as the Queen of Chicken Night and be head of the Cheerleaders? Would she have the time to do the high quality job she is doing now as the Queen and do the much demanding job as head cheerleader without losing stamina? The Kat has said that she will serve as interim head while a search for a permanent replacement go on, however she says she is near retirement and the replacement should be someone with younger ideas.
Therefore a poll at the bottom of the page asks readers if they think an election should be held to determine if there should be a new head cheerleader. Under the poll appears the text NOMINATE A HEAD, by clicking that text a window will appear asking for your nomination. The two top candidates will be in a runoff election here, in THE KAT AND MICK REPORT in two weeks. If today's poll shows that no leader is wanted , then there would be no election.
Of course with Good Friday, the regular Chicken night crowd was reduced with the knowledge that the Chicken Night gathering place would be flooded by amateur Chicken Night goers. Therefore there is no news this week from Chicken Night.
Jessie Poquette who temporarily resided at Jean Poquette Hansen's abode (mother) is missing several bottles of some fine liquor she was storing in a suitcase, and was saving for a special occasion. If anyone knows the whereabouts of this please contact her direct. However with only three other people in the house it would seem logical to assume that by the process of elimination the perpetrator of this crime could be found. Since the youngest, Ben is mostly interested in Legos now it would seem unlikely he would have taken it, and even though Queen Jean Poquette Hansen spends much of her time in an alcohol induced euphoria, she usually does this at a bar and probably would not steel it from her daughter. This leaves only one other minor individual who lives in the home and had access to the contraband.
Cheryl Purshock reports that she is living in a basement apartment in Belleville Ill. and renting from an elderly couple, she fears that the old gentlemen has drilled a hole in the floor to watch her. My suggestion is to wait until they leave the house then proceed to find the hole. Sharpen a stick, and upon their arrival back home take a shower. That's all the news that is news, see ya.