MAR03B

Last week Zeus visited the doctor and he found that her "halo", the device that holds her head straight so her neck can heal, was actually falling off of her head. The fixture was so loose that indeed it could have come apart allowing her head to snap off. You see her neck is broken in three places and the fourth bone is brittle from years of smoking. Removal of her halo at this point would allow her neck to swivel back much the same as a PEZ dispenser. Now of course this is to be monitored much more closely. Wenzel who resisted attempts to install the fixture in the beginning, now has accepted the device as a fact of life, even refusing to request pain medication when it had to be lag bolted back on to her head after the near collapse of its main parts. Zeus was also recently terminated from her job due to her disability and unavailability for work. Health insurance will also be terminated but she has the option to take cobra coverage for at least one year.

Joanie and Tim are going on vacation this year and are headed to visit our friends south of the border. They were so impressed with their vacation they took in 1999 that they are on their way again to Cancun for their spring vacation. Once again they will be dining on an all you can eat buffet of Lobster and other mouth watering delicacies while they spend time in between meals sunning themselves on the white sand beaches of the gulf resort. While in Cancun some items of Tim's "to do list" include; digging for clams on the beach, learning to surf, snapping a few photos on the nude beach, and pulling off a few practical jokes with fake terrorist threats. Joanie on the other hand has a cultural motive as her objective and plans to organize a free concert for the poor people of the village. She plans to entertain them with some of her best vocal selections to include her tribute to Cher, her Madonna set, and of course her famous Celeion Dion impersonation. A fund raising performance is also scheduled at the resort with the proceeds being donated to heal spur research. Lade who is a sufferer of the heal spur disease herself has vowed to do her part to stamp out heal spurs. Seats will be available to those who can afford it, no doubt only the most affluent will be able to attend.

Judy Treml seems to think she may be coming down with the childhood disease "Chicken Pox". While this is a small set back for children, for adults this can be a somewhat more challenging experience. An attempt was made to find out if Treml indeed had the disease during childhood but no results were forthcoming due to a lack of enthusiasm by the rest of the Fat Club members. It is the advice of the writer that no one trusts their medical history to Fat Club members.

Just as I predicted on Ground Hog day, the warm weather has arrived early this year with a high in the 60's on Saturday and today, Sunday promising to be a carbon copy. That's all the news that is news, see ya.

Cheryl Poquette-Dupi-Bluebannas-Purshock, (she prefers that all of her surnames be used), explained in a rare Saturday afternoon interview that while she is not looking forward to going to war it may be a real possibility for the 43 year old Air Force reservist. As units all around her are being activated she realizes that it could be only a matter of time before she is called into active duty. One of her duties is to shuttle gear to the airport for people shipping out for duty overseas, Poquette-Dupi-Bluebannas-Purshock says "all I'm trying to do is get my job done and people are stopping me in the airport and trying to shake my hand." She refers to citizens trying to thank military personal for the job they do in protecting our country. Poquette-Dupi-Bluebannas-Purshock is indeed in uniform even when not reporting for duty in the reserves because she works on an Air Force base in Belleville Ill. Even though she loves her job in Illinois and her husband Steve also has a good job they both long to move back to their home in Fort Walton Beach, Florida. It seems that while both spent their childhoods being raised in the cold weather of Wisconsin and Pennsylvania they have lived too long in the warm weather of the South and can no longer adjust to the seasons of the north. So perhaps if the services of Cheryl are needed to get Saddam Hussein under control then perhaps after killing Hussein, Poquette-Dupi-Bluebannas-Purshock will pack up her possessions and husband and move back to Florida.

Dave and Darla Krueger and their family are planning a spring vacation in Pladecarmen Mexico this year. While Dave looks forward to the nude beaches it is probable that his approach will be reported by onlookers as he nears and people will run for their lives in all directions screaming as his club arm comes into view. You see Dave has an arm which is much longer then the other. Doctors who were supposed to repair this phenomenon in fact made the situation worse by adding extra bone on to the arm. When his arm is unfurled now it drags on the ground conspicuously, even more so then it did before. While Pladecarmen translated into English means "Island of the women" women often run away screaming when they get a look at the grotesque malformation, while Darla does her best at consoling the gentile beast. Doctors are miffed at what to do to relieve the Green Bay resident of the extra long appendage but perhaps all is not lost, there is a rumor that Krueger is in talks with DreamWorks for the part of Igor in a new remake of Frankenstein. With the trip to Mexico coming up Megadeth has made plenty of pages available in her diary for listing the names of all the new hot Latin lovers that she will be kissing on her spring break vacation. She and Brittany continue to break the spirit of unsuspecting boys leaving a pile of empty broken hearts behind. Brittany Sobieck who just recently ejected another boy from her line of boys in waiting, now has a difficult time selecting from the numerous boys calling her to be her next victim. With all this turmoil going on in the family Darla Krueger says that "all I want to do is get drunk before I get on the plane and stay drunk until we are home and get off the plane." While it is not known if Krueger has been treated for alcohol abuse in the past it is probable that upon their return she would be entering some type of a twelve step program. Apparently the only one in the family untouched by the hand of fate is Rachel; let us pray that she stays the innocent flower that she is.

Lola Sobieck is recovering from surgery on her toe, apparently one of her feet had 6 toes and she wanted it removed. It is not known which one she selected to be removed. The toe will be kept alive with life support in case one of her other 10 goes bad.

In a story hardly worth reporting, Zeus has threatened the KAM editor with violence or death after last weeks column in which we reported her head possibly turning into a PEZ dispenser. Zeus is in deed in a poor position to be making threats, magnets have been installed in the doorways in the entrances leading to KAT AND MICK REPORT offices to catch her in case of a sneak attack.