Dear Kat, I need help in finding a life partner who can cope with me not being home because of my truck driving job. I would also like to marry if this person turns out to have all the right stuff. The problem is every time I find someone that seems to have all the qualifications I tend to scare them off. I think it has something to do with my requirements in women. I don't think my demands are outrageous however most of the lady friends I have entertained seem to think otherwise. Let me run down my profile list and let me know if I am out of line. First, any women of mine should always know the temperature, everywhere, outside, in every room of the house, the attic, the basement, and the car (or truck if applicable). She should report to me with the results from the numerous thermometers I have placed in these areas in Fahrenheit. Second I require my girl friends to speak to me on the phone at least 4.5 hours a day, I'm flexible on this it can be 3 hours one day and 5 the next so long as the total for the week adds up to 31.5 or more. I have an
unlimited calling plan and I need that many hours from her to break even. The rest of the hours I need will come from relatives and in-laws. The Last of my requirements is that she take long trips on my motorcycle with me monitoring the outside temperature and reporting it to me via headsets connected to cell phones.
Signed; Frustrated.
Answer:
Dear Frustrated, These requests of yours while not outrageous are somewhat out of the ordinary. I myself don't own a thermometer......I don't think. I guess there is a chance I might but I wouldn't know where to look for it, if I do need one I'll just go and buy a new one, I really don't see the need to clutter ones head with needless information like temperatures when there is so much to retain from literature like Harlequin Romance novels. The thing about the cell phone seems odd to me and I can't figure it out. I personally can't understand why people talk on the phone anyway, it cuts down on the time I have reserved for reading, I have a list of magazines that require many hours my reading attention every month. The motorcycle thing seems fun but I think I would like to ride in a side car instead of in the back. I could get more reading done that way, perhaps you should offer that deal to your girlfriends and you may have better luck.
Meoooow
OFFICIALLY - JANEL IS GIRL FRIEND
March 26, 2006
wo weeks ago The Newsletter reported that
Justin Sobieck and Janel (no last name, like Prince) were spending a lot of time together but when asked neither would acknowledge the existence of a relationship of a romantic nature. Word from the Sobieck household this week is of a definite nature confirming that indeed officially Janel and Justin are dating. This marks the first time in Sobieck or Poquette family history that a J and J relationship has existed excluding pets. Janel who has had a short history with the Poquette-Sobieck family is known to a select few by cameo appearances only around the Sobieck home. Sobieck who fails to comment either way on the situation keeps Janel
T
a mysterious figure and will offer no further information. Janel was known to be a basket ball star in West De Pere High School during her years in the upper grades. The relationship may be having a positive effect on
Sobieck who has not incinerated, sunk, or blown up any vehicles or motorized recreational equipment of late.
TIM LADE FAILS TO SHOW UP AT FAT CLUB
Tim Lade made an off the cuff remark last week about him attending "The Fat Club" meetings. Lade who is unemployed surmised that he could assume control of the loosely organized group in the absence of Exulted Ruler Dave Poquette. While Lade made no intention of a power grab from Poquette he thought the leadership duties would round out his activities for the week in the absence of a job. He made it known he would relinquish his leadership roll temporarily upon the return of Poquette. He did remain frightened however that "Fat Club" host Trixie Sobieck would not necessarily welcome him after a previous dispute over scheduling of work.
JANEL
Sobieck has made no threat in this regard. Lade on the other hand has come to the realization that attendance of a regular meeting of "The Fat Club" has amounted to admittance of being fat, something Lade has grappled with for years and is not ready to admit just yet.
Lade had lost considerable weight over the years with the aid of a low carbohydrate diet and continues to diet in that fashion however has trouble from time to time keeping to it strictly. Fat Club members this week will again keep a vigil for Lade hoping he will join the club and offer his much needed leadership skills. That's all the news that is news, see ya.
TIM LADE
a katandmick photo
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April 2, 2006
BRITTANY ADDS ANOTHER TO THE PILE
I
t was a little over a month ago when The Newsletter reported that Brittany Sobieck had a new boyfriend, a fact the Oneida harlot had hidden for months from local media in an effort to avoid in her words "jinx the relationship." Sobieck long known for breaking the hearts of boys then flinging them out the back door on to her pile of used men has added Ryan Kautzer to the top of the stack, a stack so high it can only be rivaled by the stack of Colon Blow cereal bowls on Saturday Night Live.
Whether or not the relationship was in fact jinxed or not since the news was released in the February 26 Newsletter is of no matter now, Sobieck has spoken. Sobieck broke off the relationship in the usual way wanting to depart as friends however Ryan will have none of that ignoring her at parties now as does one of his unnamed friends telling Sobieck
"You didn't pay your friendship check." Sobieck puzzled by the comment says that she isn't looking for any long term relationship now but would like to "just see people." In an effort to help Sobieck meet people she can just see, Stephanie Prevost has a guy from her work that she is going to fix up with Sobieck to help with the rebound. Sobieck's mother Trixie has also chimed in by introducing Brittany to the first hottie she could find at whatever bar she was in when Brittany called with the news.
BRITTANY SOBIECK
ONEIDA HARLOT
MEEUWSEN - RISH COIN SHOWER SUCCESS
Many people turned out for the coin shower thrown for Aaron Meeusen and Kim Rish at Classics Bar 1238 Main St. in Green Bay Saturday night. It was a lunch and punch affair with an open ended time for departure. The event was modestly attended by the Poquette side of the family with only two out of three of The Axis of Evil attending. Stephanie Prevost the absent member of Evil offered up the weak excuse of "My day got away on me" as fodder for the grist mill of the remaining two members of Evil, Trixie Sobieck and Jean Poquette Hansen. Other Poquette sisters chimed in upon hearing the weak excuse put forth from Prevost, soon an angry mob formed with torches and pitchforks threatening to burn the evil witch. Another round of drinks arrived at the bar and attention was turned elsewhere and soon all was forgotten.
BLACKIE AND SHANNON BUY HOUSE
Blackie and Shannon Cornelius are closing a deal on a house in Ashwaubenon on Bruce Lane near where Brandon Pickett lives. Cornelius disclosed the information last night at a family gathering. Details are still being worked out and will be published when available.
JANEL AND JUSTIN NOW AN ITEM
Two weeks ago we reported that Janel and Justin were officially dating. Some inaccurate information was given at that time that needs correction. Janel Englebert graduated from Southwest High not West De Pere as reported. She played volleyball not basketball as stated in the previous article.
Question:
Dear Kat; I have trouble getting people to like me, I try to be nice to them and make conversation, and sometimes I even give out free mushrooms. But it seems the more I talk, the more people tune out, I can tell they're not listening to me because they look away when I'm talking and then just walk away. Sometimes they start reading a book while I'm talking. Even my girl friend who is supposed to like me complains about the mushrooms smelling up the garage and then ignores me when I'm explaining why the mushrooms are making such an aroma, even she walks away while I'm talking.
signed, Ignored
Answer:
Dear Ignored, It has taken me a long time to finish your letter because I keep falling asleep. Every time I start reading it's as if there's a monotone voice in my head going on and on like the steady drone of a tractor engine just putting you to sleep. I finally got to the end and I think I know what's wrong with your approach. Try giving out hallucinogenic mushrooms. People should like them much better, and won't complain about them if they start to smell, and if they space out on you while your talking you can blame it on the mushrooms. That way everybody feels better.
Meeeooow
Janel and Justin met at the Krueger's house when Janel was visiting her friend and neighbor Megadeth Krueger. Krueger, Sobieck's cousin, introduced the two and have been friends for years, however in the past couple of weeks Englebert and Sobieck
have truly become an item. Englebert goes to college in Milwaukee and even has a couple of classes with Brittany. Justin who has quit his job as a bouncer at Baba Louis devotes all of his spare time to visiting Englebert in Milwaukee when he is not splicing belts on his regular job. This leaves precious little time to sinking snowmobiles or crashing motorcycles some of Sobieck's most dangerous but favorite hobbies. Englebert hopes to become an athletics teacher when she completes college. That's all the news that is news, see ya.
