Newsletter

ith a desire to earn his own income Logan Sobieck has decided to accept an employment position at the De Pere Dairy Queen. Sobieck, 14 says it's time to start his career and thinks fast food is a good calling for him. Although he considered other employers he decided to give the Dairy Queen the benefit of his services for two reasons. First of all Sobieck thinks that the brazier cooked food is healthier for people rather then the typical grill cooked food served at competitors. Secondly Sobieck was drawn to Dairy Queen over other fast food places because his lifestyle interlocks with any establishment that has Queen in the name. Sacrifices will now have to be made in Sobieck's life with his job in mind, first of all his leadership of "The Oneida Posse" will end with the baton being passed on to the only remaining family member living in the area that does not have a job, Devon Young. Secondly the building of long forked bikes will end as will experiments in searching for a powerful explosive made from common cleaning supplies. Sobieck will start his new job after Thanksgiving and the Turkey Bowl and is hoping to become an indispensable member of the D Q team. Once Sobieck becomes established he hopes to make a place for his cousin Ben Hansen at the home of brazier cooked food.

PURSHOCKS CANCEL PLANS FOR TB VI

A call to THE KAT AND MICK REPORT newsroom on Saturday confirmed the worst fears of the Red Gobblers captain Brandon Pickett. Andy Purshock will not be playing in the much touted Turkey Bowl this year due to a scheduling conflict created by his mother. Stephen Purshock who had purchased plane tickets for the youth had informed the KAMR late Saturday morning that plans could not be worked out with the boys mother to have Andy come to Illinois for the Holiday. The Purshock's planned to drive up from Belleville Ill. to Green Bay for the day and attend TB VI, they would have left shortly after the game and head for a short Florida Vacation. As it stands now none of the Purshocks will be up to Green Bay for the holiday. News of the cancellation sent shock waves through the locker room of the Red Gobblers as Brandon Pickett, captain of the team searches frantically for a replacement. Willie Cornelius captain of the Blue Jell-O's stated that he was never worried about giving up the trophy to the Red Gobblers with or without Purshock. The Blue Jell-O running back is planning to once again be victorious over the Oneida Red Gobblers by shear strength of the run as was witnessed by last years contest.

TREMLS SETTLE H2O CONTAMINATION CASE

With the long battle behind them the Scott Treml family can now rest easy knowing that the neighboring farm has lost their battle in the ongoing fight over who was at fault over water contamination in the Treml neighborhood. The deal almost did not go through when it was suggested that the responsible parties be barred from any further legal action upon acceptance of the offer. Scott would not hear of that and was prepared to leave the table. A second offer was then made which was more to his liking and the matter was settled.

Upon settlement of the case Judy Treml recalled the many hours she put in researching the case and now wonders what she will do with all of her free time now that her job is complete. Treml commented that she was offered a job by an environmental group and is looking into the possibility of working from home for the group. Treml had very little information about the group at press time but said "I don't want to go around throwing calves blood on people's furs." Treml who was never an environmental activist plans to be a stay at home mom and if she can work in some hours on this other job that would be fine too.

Don't forget the Turkey Bowl on Thursday and be sure to look at the new Calendars and order yours for Christmas Eve delivery, a Tim Lade production. That's all the news that is news, see ya.

fter the trash talk was over and the game began the Blue Jell-O's were unable to deliver on a promise to be "threepeet winners" in the annual holiday football game held at Poquette Field. The Jell-O's captain, Jules Cornelius, known also as "Willie" commented after the game that the weather had impacted the game in a negative way for them. He also felt that there was a mismatch between the two teams in talent. The Gobblers who maintained a lead throughout the first half saw their lead dwindle in the third quarter to a tie on the score board. Everyone expected the Jell-O's to make a comeback and win the game, however their rally fell apart and in the fourth quarter and they were getting farther and farther behind. Willie "The Bus" was unable to make the power runs he had made the year before, losing nearly 50 lbs. the svelte Cornelius was met at the line of defenders every time and denied entry. Jason Schmunkey who had three interceptions in the game had two of those near the end of the game adding to the Jell-O's fourth quarter misery. When all was said and done the Red Gobblers won the game with 49 points to the Blue Jell-O's 21.

This years game was marred by severe weather with a game time temperature of 15 degrees F and a wind of 25 to 40 mph. Everyone agreed that they could have lived with the low temperature but the high winds combined with the cold created a wind chill of -13F and was bone chilling. Players complained of frozen feet and fingers. The usual colorful and riveting XPFL halftime show was nonexistent in favor of warming up inside Sobieck Hall for 30 minutes. Extreme cold took it's toll on the sound equipment and the snow had all but erased the field lines and numbers. The wind would not allow the end zone markers to remain upright and temporary lines were sprayed on at the last minute with orange paint spray cans. The poor weather took it's toll on attendance as well with few spectators as compared to other years. A highlight of the game was the surprise appearance of Alex Pickett as the Red Gobblers were introduced. Pickett who has been serving in the Air Force since 2002 and currently stationed in Germany has not attended a Turkey Bowl since he left. Pickett's mother Kathy (The Kat) cried as his name was announced and he came running across the field. Also notable was the appearance of the third official Tom Pickett who actually threw three flags down which seemed to catch on with the other two officials with Sam throwing three of his own and Earl throwing one. This ended a dry spell of penalties where a flag had not been thrown at an XPFL game by Earl or Sam for two years.

TRIXIE SOBIECK FORGETS UNDERWEAR

Trixie Sobieck who complains of a faulty memory had come to a realization last week of just how bad it has deteriorated. While shopping at the local Sam's Club, a so called wholesaler that charges it's customers to shop in it's store, Sobieck needed to use the ladies room. Upon entering the busy facility she backed into a stall and began to pull down her slacks when she shouted out "Where the hell's my underwear!" Confused shoppers looked at each other by the sinks while they dried their hands and whispered among themselves while Sobieck offered more confusing clues to the disappearance of the missing underwear. She cried out even louder "I had them on the bed, but their not on me!" Restroom visitors were now running out of the door in hopes to escape the troubled woman. In her haste while getting ready to leave Sobieck had forgotten to don her lower undergarments. A quick check of her upper torso revealed that she had indeed remembered to strap on her bra so all was well on top. Realizing that there was nothing she could do about the situation she completed her bathroom duties and went on to her shopping, then returned home. She had not complained that the sensation was bad and it is not clear as to whether she continues to wear underwear now or if she has just abandoned the practice all together. That's all the news that is news, see ya.