The  Kat
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An open letter from S. Lyle OConnor to the readers of The Kat and Mick Report.

As you all know and lament, early last week I was unceremoniously dismissed of my duties at the KAMR.  I find it particularly insulting that Mick, or as he is better known by his employees as "the sawed off little prick", took the time to mention in his newsletter that I drink cheep beer and eat substandard food.  Well, dear readers, if the Kat and Mick Report would pay a livable wage, then maybe I could have afforded better amenities. 

Then, Mick, himself the very king of bad taste, tossed in a little dig about my St. Vincent DePaul clothing.  Yeah, right!  Who could say I don't look fantastic in my fine vintage threads?  Who would?  ...Well, I guess people have said otherwise, but they are obviously jealous. ...I mean, other then them, who? 

And talk about bad medical insurance.  The KAMR plan really sucks!  With the 97% co pay doled out to my Psychiatric staff and for the brain serum they prescribed.  I had very little money left for consultants or "Hookers" as Mick liked to call them, so naturally I was forced to hide them on my expense reports.  And let me tell you this, some of the classier gals really resented that he openly referred to them as 'hookers', instead of their official moniker; 'Outsourced Sexual Companionship Providers'.   Bunny, Angel and Dominique are all thinking about filing a slander lawsuit, ...just as soon as they make bail. 
I don't have any complaints about The Kat.  She seemed fine, but of course I didn't interact with her much because she was always passed out drunk.  Having to work and live with a maniacal tyrant like Mick, the poor woman is forced to self-medicate herself into a stupor just to get thought the day.  I thought I HAD a drinking problem, holy smokes!  The Kat would rush into the office at 7 am sharp*, and head unabated to the wetbar across the room, tossing her coat on the tacky brass coat-rack as she passed.   Let me tell you,  ...before that coat stopped swinging on the hook, The Kat would have her 3rd tequila and catnip drained, ...and be pouring the fourth.  But who can blame her?   Her life with Mick must be a livin' hell, an utter living hell, I'm tellin' ya.  

To be honest, it is not all KAMR's fault.  I may be just a little bit to blame.  OK, so I quit writing my monthly column for a couple of years?  I missed a few dozen deadlines.  Christ, let's hang me from a tree!  In time I am sure that this will all blow over, and soon that sawed off little runt will come crawling back, begging to have me back in the fold.  I mean he'd be NUTS if he didn't.  No? 

I mean Mick is a lot of things; Sure he's a self absorbed, unethical reprobate, without any redeeming qualities whatsoever.  And yes, you will find him to be a selfish and delusional malcontent.  It is clear that he is a very insecure person, always putting on airs.
He obviously has mother issues, and I doubt if he is even potty trained.  Mike is a lot of things.   Egotistical, -Perverted  -Moronic???  Check, -check, -check!  He's all that. 
But is he nuts?  Naw, I don't think so.  .  

* Rumor has it that if the Kat was even a minute late, Mick would give her a full knuckle beatdown
S. Lyle OConnor can be reached at: