An offbeat, offten imitated, off the wall, hell, sometimes off the floor, glimpse at the world of sports, as seen through the egocentric beer goggles of sports writer extraordinaire S. Lyle OConnor.
UNSPORTSMANLIKE COMMENT is a copyrighted feature of THE KAT AND MICK REPORT. It is published on a more or less monthly basis.
Survey says!!!
This is your column! I write for you! Well, I guess it's not really your column Let's not kid ourselves, there is only one fabulously talented S. Lyle OConnor and unfortunately for you you're not it! And I guess the "I write for you" line is a bit much Yeah, it's not the money, women or amazing perks that inspire me to write this fabulous column. No, I do it for YOU. Man, that's a real gasser!!!
I guess it's like when a multinational CEO is speaking at a corporate pep rally. One commonly quoted "moral booster" is when he/she looks the assembled corporate lackeys straight in the eye, and without cracking a smile, decrees, "It's your company, I work for you"!!! For this "moral booster" to work, what needs to happen is this: The afore mentioned assemblage must "suspend disbelief". You must be able, for example, to ignore the fact that the CEO's bar tab on the company jet eclipses the combined salary of the entire rank and file collected before him Once you get past pesky little thoughts like that, you're ready to fully assimilate (and swallow) the message. Yes, it is true! (ha, ha) "It is our company, and he works for us".
Getting large crowds of people to accept massive shovels full of BS would seem to be a fairly difficult task. In reality, it is not. You see, the arduous corporate selection process is optimized to vigorously weed out people lacking the critically essential talent of "suspending disbelief" on a 24/7 basis. The purging of these non-believers is considered to be corporate America's number one priority, and it is executed with remarkable efficiency and extreme prejudice on a day-to-day, meeting-by-meeting basis.
Well, dear readers and fans, it is in this very same tone and sprit that I say to you:
"This is your column, I write for you".
But I regress As I was saying, since it's "your column", I feel I should give you the opportunity to give me ideas and suggestions, so I can regurgitate them onto this website for my own lucrative purposes.
So please, take a few moments to fill out the survey below. After the survey, be sure to tabulate your score!
1) I would like to see:
A.Shorter more in depth articles.
B.Longer more to the point articles.
2) I would like Unsportsmanlike Comment to feature more:
A.Articles about myself and my fabulous lifestyle.
B.Articles about myself and my fabulous exploits in the arena of sports.
C.Articles about myself and the fabulous women that have abounding desire for me.
D.Articles about myself and my fabulous interstellar travels.
E.Articles about myself and my fabulous entourage of rich and famous friends.
3) Regarding punctuation*, I would like to see the following changes:
A.More comas and fewer periods. A lot fewer periods. Period.
B.More exclamation marks! Dammit!!!
C.More of those dot, dot, dot thingies
D.Let's "have" more "quotes".
*Note: "This "is" really a sore topic? With me because. the!!! Cheapskate management of the KAM report routinely?!? Remove much "of my (punctuation) marks and emboldened, print, in (an) ill advised attempt! to save (on) expensive internet fluid? I for ,one, think. my, work, suffers, greatly? because, of it;
4) At present, the background color is a nauseating baby boy blue. Would you prefer that the color be changed to a nauseating
A.Baby diaper green
B.Baby girl pink
C."Oww, that's gonna need stitches", crying baby red
D."Baby with bad cold" yellow
5) UNSPORTSMANLIKE COMMENT is published in the American language.
(Like Jesus spoke) Would you like it published in any other languages? Please specify.
A.Spanish
B.Ridgile 7 trispeak
C.Hexadecimal code
D.Canadian
E.Other __________
6) What would you prefer for a font size?
A.Big type.
B.Small type.
C.Just right type.
D. (Invisible type.)
Please add any ideas for future articles. _______________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Scoring:
Add up your answers and subtract your age, then add the letters h, q and k. However, if you've been fasting for the minimum 12 hours, you may subtract the letters g and m.
If you scored between
0 to 5
Congratulations! You possess the ideal combination of temperament and moral fiber to become an avid reader, and overzealous fan of UNSPORTSMANLIKE COMMENT.
Go ahead and brag to your friends about it!
5 to 10
Congratulations! You possess the ideal combination of temperament and moral fiber to become an avid reader, and overzealous fan of UNSPORTSMANLIKE COMMENT.
Go ahead and brag to your friends about it!
10 to 15
Congratulations! You possess the ideal combination of temperament and moral fiber to become an avid reader, and overzealous fan of UNSPORTSMANLIKE COMMENT.
Go ahead and brag to your friends about it!
15 to infinity
Congratulations! You possess the ideal combination of temperament and moral fiber to become an avid reader, and overzealous fan of UNSPORTSMANLIKE COMMENT.
Go ahead and brag to your friends about it!
S. Lyle OConnor can be reached at shawnoconnor@hotmail.com. This is a simple fact. However, why you would want to reach him is an issue you'll need to work through with your brain care specialist. Good luck with that.
Note; The comments of S. Lyle OConnor are not those of The Kat and Mick Report, Kat, Mick, anyone living in the Town of Oneida, or the Chicago Bears. Comments made by S. Lyle are strictly his own and should be taken with a grain of salt, or perhaps a pound of salt.
