The S. Lyle OConnor -soon to be memorial- Dirigible
Once again, Thanksgiving Day is upon us, bringing families together so they can set down and show thanks by consuming copious amounts of stuffed foul, cranberry products and sweet per-taters. Any way you'd care to count it, in the final tally; we all have much to be thankful for. I sincerely, --listen up ya jerks cause I ain't sincere very often-- wish you all a happy and joyous Thanksgiving!
Along with good food, friends and family, we also have a little something called "football". American Football. Yes I’m talking about Turkey Bowl V!!! The watermark game of the XPFL, this splendid contest will feature the Blue Jell-O's against the Red Gobblers. A cast of thousands works tirelessly all year insuring this game is surrounded with the pageantry and splendor it warrants. Game time is at 2:00 at Poquette Field in Oneida, Wisconsin. For complete details on this fabulous event, see the KAMR homepage. I'll tell you this much: you'd have to be crazy not to be there.
But, once again, I'll be absent from the Turkey Bowl because of holiday commitments with my family. However, weather permitting my family and I hope to fly over the field in the S. Lyle O'Connor -soon to be memorial- Dirigible. The "slostbmb" as we like to call it.
For those of you who are curious about this extraordinary airship, I'll present a little history: It was built in the late 90's and commissioned on February 31, 1987. A wealthy industrialist who requests to remain anonymous funded it. I can tell you this; he's an old man with old money. -- Made in the early days of telecommunications. I'll call him Mr. D. He had the exclusive patent on that little bronze hammer (striker) that strikes the bell in (old fashioned) telephone ringers. That simple bronze striker was used exclusively in every phone throughout most of the 20th century! Well, not every phone, one company stubbornly refused to buy into the patent... But, because they didn't use said striker, there was no way to know that someone was trying to call! These phones were highly unpopular, and this rival company soon went out of business.
I first met Mr. D at a seedy Green Bay bar down on the south end of Broadway St. We quickly became friends. Shortly after, I became the live-in bartender at his palatial mansion. One thing we had in common was our mutual interest in flying machines, though his interest was a passive one, because of his extreme fear of flying. However, after months of subtle suggestion and out-and-out haranguing combined with an extra dash of elixir in his afternoon tonic, the old gentleman finally agreed to sponsor the project. The grand airship was aptly named because of my benefactor's steadfast assertion. "You're gonna kill yourself in that dan-burn contraption". Thus, the S. Lyle OConnor -soon to be memorial- Dirigible was born.
So while you're at Poquette Field enjoying the game, be sure to watch the skies! And also, watch your heads! You see, because of the rising cost of helium, I have to skimp on the inert, but costly gas. So, she tends to fly a little low... Sometimes a brisk downdraft will drive her nose first, right into the ground! Quicker then a BJ Sander punt, some might say.
Some of you may ask: "why does S. Lyle need a blimp?" Well, because of the 3-DFL, stupid! The 3 Dimensional Football League. The 3-DFL was the mid-80's brainchild of our very own Mick Pickett (of the katandmick report) Knowing a good thing when I see it, I quickly jumped on board as Assistant to the Commissioner (Pickett).
The game would be played exactly as now, but the players would be wearing jetpacks and play inside a 3-dimensional gridiron. The SLOSTBMD was to be used as the press blimp. Spectators would be treated to unparalleled action and excitement as the players zoomed around the playing cube in excess of 300 miles per hour.
But, for one reason or another, we never got the league "off the ground". After twenty exasperating years attempting to acquire financial backing, Mick has moved on. Landing the spectacular post as commissioner of the wildly popular XPFL. Talk about landing on your feet! But I have not given up, I'm still longing for the day when fall's brisk stadium air will be filled with the acrid fumes and deafening sounds of jet propulsion. Not to mention, the brisk fall air getting littered with flying body armor and I suppose, ...dismembered body parts. Hum, now that I get to thinking about it, perhaps that's the reason folks didn't exactly swoon over the concept, as we hoped they would. Yeah, I guess a 300 mph head-on with a Javon "Jet" Walker could get a little messy...
But at least I have the blimp! So folks, keep watching the skies! And by the way, be on the lookout for “falling yellow water”. The S. Lyle may be a grand airship for sure, but as of yet, she hasn't been afforded the luxury of operational amenities. Don't forget to wave!
Hey, fool! You can communicate with S. Lyle OConnor in many ways. One of the best and least painless is to click on firstname.lastname@example.org and commence to writin'.