Antonio "off the field problems" Freeman.

by S. Lyle OConnor

Well it's looking more and more like Antonio Freeman has played his last game as a Green Bay Packer.  With the way the draft panned out, I am okay with it,  before we drafted Walker in the first round,  I said keep him, at almost all costs, (your paying him anyway)  I for one, will miss the guy.  He was a great player, but it seems like was is the key word here.  One thing that I won't miss is hearing the media or anyone else for that matter, christen the man with his new middle name.  As in Antonio "off the field problems"  Freeman. 

Sure he had some problems.  Who doesn't?  The guy was late a few times, missed a plane flight, had a fender bender in a parking lot.  Jeepers!  You make an overnight millionaire out of me, and have beautiful women fawn over my athletic and wealthy body 24 hrs a day.  Well...  I'll show you some off the field problems!

Missing my flight?  No I'd be on it.  However, I be drunk off my arse.  I'd slip the pilots a fistful of neatly folded photos of Grover Cleveland, (hes on the1,000 bill. right?)  and take the plane for a joyride.  Imagine the fun, a 737 buzzing Hinkle (sp?) field during practice,  a practice that "oh my God!!  I'm supposed to be at".  Anybody ever skip work?  Ever play hooky from school?   I'd moon coach Sherman from the copilots seat, and toss water bombs (if they are lucky, its water) at the defensive backfield. 

A fender bender in a parking lot?  The worst part is that he tried to get away with it!  And he lied to the authorities!  Ward, I'm afraid the Beaver is going to have to take a good clobber'in for this incident.

Unpaid parking fines?  Hey, if I had his money and fame, I'd get me a big pipe wrench...  No hell!  A crew of drunken plumbers with big pipe wrenches.  Its easy to do, just wait outside Stan's Labor Temple, the first Thursday of the month.  It's the United Pipe Fitters Union meeting.  Right around one AM, you'll have your crew.  Some work for straight scale others will nail ya with overtime, but what's a few bucks?  Anyway  me and my crew would "Cool Hand Luke"  the entire downtown parking meter infrastrcher,  and toss the meters in the Fox river, where they belong..

Then again, if you think about it, this could be why I am a pathetic loser, submitting my meaningless dribble to a two bit website (no offence, okay?) in exchange for a few cans of malt liquor, and not a pro bowl receiver. (Note to the editor:  rather then 6 figure salary we discussed, I decided on 2 twenty-four ouncers of  Schlitz malt liquor, in the can, chilled to 17 degrees.   Celsius.  NO Fahrenheit degrees, any Fahrenheit's and the deals off.  It gives it a tinny taste. And that's per article, ya dope.) 

In summation,  I say lose Freeman because he was overpaid, and he was having trouble catching the football and running for it back touchdowns.  His OTFP's need not be mentioned again, because they are minor in nature.  Too minor to be mentioned, over and over,  ad nauseaum. 

End of article.  Where's them malt liquors we talked about?

Important note to young impressionable kids:  Do your self a favor, a big favor and never listen to anything I say, anything I write, or for that matter anything I even "think to myself".  Trust me, it'll get you nowhere.  Fast.  Hey, not listening should be easy.  Your kids, I'm an adult.  What's the problem?

Freeman, ready to "Cool Hand Luke" parking meters?